Lovers who won't satisfy

I grew up a church kid.
Went to a Christian school
on a needs based scholarship
until seventh grade.
In church
every Wednesday,
twice on Sunday,
Thursday,
Friday,
and Saturday
if ANYTHING was going on.

But the church,
the Christian school,
the feel-good songs
and secret
church code
didn't satisy.

I tried
books,
which were great,
but not enough.
I tried
academics,
which was time-comsuming
but not enough.
I tried cutting,
which made me feel
better
for a little bit,
but then made me feel awful,
dirty,
stained,
unworthy,
which I was.

And after all this,
there was really nowhere
to turn.

Evertything I tried had failed me.

Church
School
Books
Blood

And after all that,
there was no way
that God
could take me.
Good Christian girls
do not
cut themselves.